|| pissed off
DFGJLDFGKJFGKHLJFGKHLJFG HE IS SO INFURIATING.
Louis, the ex-boyfriend, IMed me tonight, apparently both drunk and high. He never smoked weed while we were together, and it really bothers me that he's doing it now. I lose a lot of respect for people when I find out that they smoke. (If you, the reader, smoke weed, don't take offense to this. Just make sure I don't hear about it and we'll be fine, lol.) In fact, my best friend in high school, Joel, went to great lengths to keep it a secret from me for three years that he does it.
Anyway. ( Here's the conversation.Collapse )
I can't believe he called me dumb. The rest of it I can deal with. But I can't believe he called me dumb. I know no one actually thinks that they're dumb, but I know I'm smart. I was in the gifted program in school, and I took a couple of honors classes before I got lazy and decided that the regular classes were less work. That's my problem right there, is that I'm lazy and I don't like to put forth tons and tons of effort for school. The way I see it: in an honors class, I could bust my butt and get an A; or in a regular class, I could do a comfortable amount of work and still get an A. The A looks exactly the same either way, and it's worth the same amount in my GPA. And it's actually more likely that I'll get a lower grade in the honors class. What's the point of working my ass off for a B or C which will only hurt my GPA?
In the conversation, I told him that it would have been nice to be friends with him, but after he said those things to me, I don't think I want to be his friend ever again. It really hurt me. I haven't cried, but that might change in a little bit. I had no idea he was capable of being so cruel.
The worst part is that we have class together on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. And it's not in a big lecture hall; it's a tiny little classroom even smaller than the ones in high school. There's maybe fifteen people in that class. But there's no way I'm going to drop out of the class. That would just mean he won.
Okay up until this point I've remained really calm and collected and now I really just want to swear and bang on the keyboard, so I'm gonna do that now.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE THAT ASSHOLE I HOPE HE GETS CANCER AND DIES. FUCK COCK BITCH CUNT GOD FUCKING DAMN IT KDFJLGHJLDFGHDKJGHSGKHDFLJDGJKDFJFKKKKKK.
I feel a little bit better now.
I hope Louis finds his perfect clone girlfriend. I hope he finds her and she finds him, and I hope that he falls hopelessly, irrevocably in love with her. I hope he feels that passion that I once felt for him, I hope he finds out what it feels like to need somebody. I hope she's intoxicating. I hope he can't get rid of his addiction. I hope she makes him feel high above the clouds, like he's flying, like all of his problems are insignificant. I hope he can't stop thinking about her no matter how hard he tries. And once she's got her claws sunken deep into his heart, I hope she leaves.
I hope she leaves him without warning and without remorse. I hope she detaches herself from him like he was nothing more than a passing fancy. I hope it kills him inside. He'll still wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night, he'll smile and say that nothing's wrong, but inside, his heart has stopped beating. I hope he discovers what it feels like to have nothing. I hope it haunts him for the rest of his life. I hope his existence becomes an empty one, devoid of meaning, devoid of happiness. I hope that all he becomes is an empty shell.
And I hope he dies alone.